|
| A Quinnipiac College poll of likely voters held on May 21st yielded surprising results. In a head to head election between President Bush and a Sock, 60% of voters preferred the Sock, with 20% preferring President Bush and 20% undecided. The undecided contingent cited uncertainty about the Sock's platform; when informed that socks don't talk or do much of anything, really, support for the Sock rose to 80%, while support for the president held steady at 20%. | | |
| Peter Piper pruriently pulled his pendent penis while peeping (peering?) purposefully at a passing prostitute. He was arrested for indecent exposure. | | |
| At work...not working.
Sometimes, I bore even myself. Perhaps I should start wearing lipstick... | | |
| Have you ever slow-danced a stuffed animal? A bear, or maybe a pale grey elephant with a short trunk and soft tusks? The music soars, and she is putty in your strong hands; the two of you move in unison, as if you had only one mind between you. Faster and faster you twirl her, tossing her with abandon and catching her without fail. She knows that if she falls she might be hurt, but trust and sawdust for a brain make her don wings willingly.
The lights recede. Ella tucks herself under your armpit and nuzzles your once-exercised chest with the cotton-polyester fuzz of her trunk. The two of you float outside into the crisp night and revel in the stares of a thousand stars. Those immortal voyeurs watch with fresh eyes, stunned by the sublimity of the spectacle. You smile softly. But Ella tugs at your sleeve (again with her prehensile trunk) and you reluctantly set off towards your car. Paradise and a carving knife await. | | |
|
